This is a burning question that has been occupying my mind for quite some time. We all have been in relationships where the communication was lacking but we tried to work it out, stayed or finally when the tension gets too much, leave the relationship.
When you love someone or starting to love someone you’re supposed to care for the person you’re in a relationship with. So why do people lie about their real motives? What effect does this have on their intimacy, their bond? These are the things I want to explore in this article. Why do people constantly lie, cheat, and manipulate? Are they unhappy, unsatisfied, scared of being left alone when the truth finally comes out? What’s their story? Why do lovers lie to each other?
There are several ways people deceive each other with. For example; some persons like to lie about themselves. When you meet someone who makes up things just to impress you so they will seem more desireable; this will start the relationship on a fake foundation. Successful relationships need strong foundations in order to work. You can’t have a serious relationship with someone who thinks you are something you’re not because you haven’t told the truth. The liar will most likely be tortured as time goes on. As they get closer to the other person they will want them to know the truth. However, they will be scared for two reasons. One, they won’t want the other person to leave them now that they know they’re not all they originally said that they were. Two, they will be afraid that the person will be upset that they were lied to and the relationship will be ruined.
Key ingredient to master when dealing with lying spouse is your own emotional reaction. You have to become aware and see yourself as an observer that is not part of the relationship. You can’t always change the behavior of a liar, but you can change how you feel and react to them. Once you learn how to change your emotions about how your significant other is treating you, you begin to see a lot more options. If you are honest with the situation you will realize that your happiness is more important than their lying ways. The motivator for wanting someone to stop lying is so that you don’t end up unhappy.
Use Awareness to Deal with Liars and Lies
So how to deal with people who are liars?
There is only one important message when it comes to liars and how to deal with them: manage your expectations! When you are aware of how people are socially conditioned you can create an opportunity for compassion. With awareness and compassion your own understanding expands and your judgments dissolve. You try to stay honest and aware enough to recognize the socialization patterns that people face growing up. Also be aware of the consequences that telling the truth might hurt their self image. It is up to you if you want to keep their illusion alive or not.
Want to know how to spot a liar and how to save yourself from a toxic relationship?
Watch this Ted Talk by Pamela Meyer.